Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Even my vagina gasped.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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