How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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