Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
