I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
