.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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