Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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