Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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