Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
