But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
