Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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