Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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