oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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