So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The beer is more important than you right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
