I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
