nut hugger
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
