That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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