We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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