woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
