I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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