i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
