the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
