I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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