i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
