It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize