Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
