you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
