Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I did not marry a roomba.
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