I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize