Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
