He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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