I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just cropdusted the office
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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