I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize