My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
