I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
