If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
