Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
