Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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