I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize