SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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