You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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