So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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