I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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