Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
