i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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