i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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