Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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