We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
