a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
