Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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