Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
