If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
