Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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