the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize