Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
