when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
