So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
