My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
