I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
