Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
