You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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