You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
