he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
