you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
